We’ve all experienced the “grass is greener” syndrome. Humans simply tend to want what they don’t have. That’s why many people fall for this thinking flaw.
I visited a dentist some time ago. It was the first time I visited the guy.
We were doing the whole small talk thing and then at the end, we somehow talked about living in Spain. I told him I tried it out and found it wasn’t for me.
Give me the cold weather in The Netherlands and no sleeping from 2 PM to 5 PM. I just couldn’t get used to “siestas” and the slow pace of life there. Every day in Spain feels like a Sunday. Some like it. Not me.
Anyway, the dentist said, “You should’ve gone to Madrid. It’s a faster pace.”
“I went for the beaches. Not the exhaust fumes,” I replied.
He laughed, and then he said, “You know, I should’ve moved to the US when I had the chance years ago. Biggest mistake of my life.”
I could see the disappointment in his body language and hear it in his voice.
The grass is always greener on the other side
The proverb “The grass is always greener on the other side” is often attributed to the ancient Greek poet Ovid.
In his work The Art of Love published around 1 BC, Ovid wrote:
“The harvest is always richer in another man’s field.”
Over time, this expression was adapted into the modern English version we use today.
You see, this is an innate human emotion. We collectively desire what we don’t have, thinking that what others have is better than what we have.
Let me give you a few examples of things I’ve either thought of myself or directly heard from close friends, co-workers, and others.
- The quality of life is much better in Europe
- Working in America is how you get rich
- If I had a million followers, I would also make a lot of money
- Traveling the world is an awesome lifestyle
- Having a home base and owning a house is really important
- I envy single folks
- If only I had a partner
You get the point. We ALWAYS think that other people have a better life.
My American friends think that life in Europe is so amazing. My European friends think that money is lying on the streets of America, waiting for them to pick it up.
During my time in Spain, I became friends with a few Spanish folks. All of them said that Spain is not a good place to raise their kids. They said it’s impossible to buy a house and it’s hard to earn a living unless you’re in real estate.
My Dutch friends dream of living the Spanish life. Nice weather. Relaxed atmosphere. Friendly people.
Why you’re unsatisfied
The famous spiritual teacher and Jesuit priest, Anthony de Mello, wrote this in his book, Stop Fixing Yourself:
“Contemplate the crowds of people who are striving might and main to become, not what nature intended them to be—musicians, cooks, mechanics, carpenters, gardeners, inventors, artists—but somebody: successful, famous, powerful, something that will bring, not quiet self-fulfillment but self-glorification or self-expansion.”
Our desire for more is what propels us forward, but also has the power to destroy us. Here’s something else de Mello wrote:
“One subtle way you destroy your innocence is when you compete and compare yourself with others. When you do that, you exchange your simplicity for the ambition of wanting to be as good as someone else or even better.”
This combination of trying to be somebody and trying to be famous, combined with our tendency to compare ourselves with others, is poison.
You must get that out of your system if you want to be happy and content.
How I finally accepted who I am
Look, you can only find out what you don’t like by trying things. And at the same time, you must be honest with yourself.
Learn to say this more often: Not for me.
- Living abroad
- Learning a foreign language
- Being employed
- Going to crowded gyms
- Small talk with people I don’t really know
- Eating a warm lunch
- Having dinner at 10 PM
Not for me.
Every person is different. I’m just the type who prefers to be left alone and eat a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.
Just let me write, read, work out, and spend time with my family and partner, that’s it. I’m happy that way.
I don’t need to live somewhere warm. I can be happy even when it’s cold and raining. It’s fine.
You know why you should say, “not for me” more often?
Because the grass is not really much greener. Grass is grass. Humans are humans.
We’re all the same. We have our pains and aches. We have our moods. We’re not perfect.
Everyone is like that! So get over it.