The Enchiridion by Epictetus, a classic text of Stoicism, starts with this fundamental idea:
“Some things are under our control, while others are not under our control. Under our control are conception, choice, desire, aversion, and, in a word, everything that is our own doing; not under our control are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything that is not our own doing. Furthermore, the things under our control are by nature free, unhindered, and unimpeded; while the things not under our control are weak, servile, subject to hindrance, and not our own.”
The key to happiness and inner peace is simple. No matter what happens in your life. And that’s not an understatement. No matter what happens, always remember to focus on what’s within your control. I can pretty much guarantee that every time you were overwhelmed, it was because you ignored this first rule of Stoicism.
Let’s just call it Rule #1 for simplicity’s sake because it’s truly the most important thing. It’s just like the novel and movie Fight Club. The first rule is also the second rule. In other words: Focusing on what you control is the single most important thing in life.
You could be going through a divorce right now. Maybe you were fired this morning. Or slipped on your walk to the office and broke your ankle. You could’ve received a scary medical diagnosis, or worse, for your loved one.
Remember Rule #1.
What we need to do during tough times is to use a mental switch that reminds us: “Hey, remember about Stoicism? Now it’s time to practice that stuff.”
The best example I’ve found is from James B. Stockdale, a former U.S. Navy vice admiral and aviator who was held captive during the Vietnam War for over seven years. In his memoir Courage Under Fire, he described the moment he realized that he would be held captive:
“On September 9, 1965, I flew at 500 knots right into a flak trap, at tree-top level, in a little A-4 airplane—the cockpit walls not even three feet apart—which I couldn’t steer after it was on fire, its control system shot out. After ejection I had about thirty seconds to make my last statement in freedom before I landed in the main street of a little village right ahead. And so help me, I whispered to myself: “Five years down there, at least. I’m leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus.”
For most of us, life won’t get that dire. But like Stockdale, we often have only a handful of seconds before we decide to (1) feel sorry for ourselves because something bad happened or (2) remember the world of Epictetus and Rule #1.
Before you were aware of Stoicism, you only had one option. Let’s say you applied for 30 jobs the last month and you didn’t even get one reply.
What do you think about yourself?
Or maybe you’ve been trying to start a business for five years but you can’t get a single sale.
Will you keep going?
You have a few seconds to decide how you’re looking at these types of events. After the first few failed attempts, you think, “I should keep going.”
But after being ignored for a long time, you might start doubting yourself. You might even give up. That one decision can mess you up forever.
But it’s not events that mess us up. It’s how we interpret the events. Is something the worst thing ever, or just an insignificant hiccup? And let’s be honest, when it comes to applying for jobs or starting a business, the outcomes are not in your hands. You only control your actions.
Will you be more motivated and try new ways to succeed? Will you read books and take courses to learn more? Will you sleep on time every night? Go to the gym? Get in better shape?
Or just say that life is hard and start feeling sorry for yourself?
We all know that we just have one viable option: And that is to JUST KEEP GOING. It doesn’t matter how you get to where you want to get, it just matters that you keep moving.
That’s the most important thing in life. Never stop. Never give up.
As the Ancient Roman proverb goes, all roads lead to Rome. You will arrive at your desired destination at some point.
We all face rejection. We all experience setbacks. But those who succeed are the ones who understand that they can only control their response to situations.
So every time something happens that makes you frustrated, down, agitated, or anxious, hold onto Rule #1: You control your actions, not the outcomes.
